Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
