My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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