guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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