i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
