I didn't shave. On purpose
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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