Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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