Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
