I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
