note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
