You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
