Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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