around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
