so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
