omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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