I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The struggles of a small town man whore
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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