the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
