Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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