And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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