I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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