Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
