You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
