I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
