and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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