its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
His nipple licking is glorious
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