dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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