great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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