I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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