he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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