You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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