Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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