he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize