You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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