you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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