She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
