She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
