so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
