Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
