Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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