The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
