its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
