i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we should paint friendship bongs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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