so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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