i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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