im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
