omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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