do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
