you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
