im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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