I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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