Kiss
Puke
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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