Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
