just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize