I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
