cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
