I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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