Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
