Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
