It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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