All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
