and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
