dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
