Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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