I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
