I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
