the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
